Further down the rabbit hole... into essence

I found myself in a strange state of déjà-vu recently while taking my latest IJ course “Graduate Inner Journey” this July, expertly lead by both Michael and Neelama. The slight annoyance of STILL not knowing what to expect combined with these old familiar patterns, these holes of pain from the past - made me feel as though I was Alice in the new Tim Burton’s “Alice in Wonderland”. Alice has grown up and is about to make a major life decision, then finds herself falling back down the rabbit hole and not remembering her time there before. I too found a similar fate, where things seemed to be so familiar and yet were all so drastically different at the same time. I realized they were on a different level of the spiral. To be going through the same issues I have been dealing with for several years (even before my years with the IJ), I found it absolutely frustrating and almost debilitating. I had done all this work, for what? To be faced with the same issues, to feel as though I had not progressed one iota! Believe me, I was not in my “happy, happy, joy, joy” place.

With my studies of the *enneagram with my sangha of EP2, I thought I knew what it meant to be an “ennea-type 4”. The ins and outs, ups and downs and complete and utter DRAMA of this specific quality of the enneagram - I find to be both a blessing and a curse most days. But the program itself allowed me to also explore a deeper quality of my ennea-type. With certain processes, I found myself floating, yet being present in my own natural essence. Only after having gone through a difficult emotional process, I found a beauty within myself and everyone surrounding me that cannot be described. The simple act of taking a walk completely changed the way I not only saw the world and those within it, but it fundamentally changed the way I now see myself. The ties that bound me to resist being my true self loosened once again and my wings are beginning to unfurl.

Not only to experience internally what my true essence is; but to witness the depth, clarity and beauty of all nine enneagram points literally brought my adult observer to tears each and every time. To be a part of that experience, to see myself in each aspect made me feel as though we truly came together as ‘one’ in the end. To realize our personalities and ego structures have adopted these particular ennea-energies to exist in this world – but to have my soul experience true ‘oneness’ with the group through each of the nine points took my breath away.

Considering the changes in my life that are upon me, I am grateful to both Neelama and Michael for providing the opportunity, safety and space required for my continued personal growth and for those loving souls who took this journey with me as well.

Namaste my sisters and brothers.