The demise of great expectations

Over the past few months I have been seeing a man who has brought quite a bit of joy as well as quite a bit of misery into my life. Recently I have come to realise that the reason why I have felt misery about him is due to the fact that I had unconsciously placed expectations on this person and our relationship. Whether they were ‘reasonable’ or not, I have come face to face with the fact that internal emotional pain comes from deep core wounds from our past, rising up and setting up expectations of how a relationship with another person ‘should’ be. This in essence puts conditions on the relationship right from the start. Seeing this all come about and how unconditional these beliefs are, I have come to realize that the pain I was experiencing was coming from a place where these expectations were not being met by the other. These fantasies, day-dreams of how our lives could be, should be while together was keeping me from seeing the reality of the situation. Now there have been moments of what I like to refer to as ‘clarity’ whereby I would recognise these needs that I have and approached him with them, telling him what I need for him to do to make me feel safe, secure and wanted in this relationship. Figuring that was the most honest and adult way to express these inherent needs that I have – I was attempting to reach out to him – and then (here’s the kicker) – expecting him to follow my beautifully laid out map to mutual happiness. When he did not follow the map, and continued to give me conflicting messages, I understood that it wasn’t me. For the first time I realized that his shit is his shit, my shit is my shit and neither the two shall meet. I truly mean this because in relationships the other acts as a mirror, showing you exactly what it is you need to do to fix yourself. It never works on the other, only yourself. Only you can change the way you look at yourself, your life and the beautiful spirits who share this journey with you.