Entering the Green Lataif of Compassion

This past weekend the Canadian EP2 group ventured into the green lataif with our teacher Michael Schiesser to enter into the world of compassion. Not just for those who enter our lives (friends, family, etc), but for the world at large and more importantly, having compassion for oneself. I find this to be extremely difficult, but through ongoing work with others, by holding space for someone as they go through a difficult process, I am able to have abundant compassion for them. And when their issues trigger something within me, as in a similar issue I myself deal with, being able to hold them in compassion, then in return allows me to hold myself in a space of compassion because I realise in that moment that I am no different - not better or worse than the person in front of me. And if I can hold compassion for them, I can see where I can have the same compassion for myself.

Michael asked us to think of one or two personal issues that we will look at in order to find compassion for ourselves in areas where we are unforgiving of ourselves to examine and look at over the next 3 months. I have chosen to look at my own body image: my beliefs, values and difficulties with my body and my body image - how I see it as well as how I think others view it. It has been a core wound for me for my entire life and am hoping I am ready to finally face this core issue with grace guiding me.

Sending love & compassion out to my sisters and brothers in my EP2 sangha, as well as to everyone inhabiting this gorgeous blue planet of ours.

Namaste.

So here I am at work, after only having about 3 hours of sleep last night. Which is all fine and good, but I am struggling to stay alert. I was holding space for a friend last night who is going through the most bizarre break-up I have personally ever witnessed. After many hours of talking, tears and laughter, she left feeling better about herself and more clear about her situation and what she needs to do now. I am grateful to have the friends in my life that I do have because they have all been there for me on many occasions, supporting me and I am just happy to be able to repay the favour at times.

I am looking forward to visiting my man this weekend. This week has been the longest we've been apart since we started dating actually. It feels a bit weird, but also good. Change is in the air and we are heading towards the change together. We've decided to move in together when my lease is over at the end of August. As this is what I consider my first "grown up" & real relationship, I find myself questioning everything from time to time. When I realize my judges are up and in attack mode in my mind, I just stop, take a breath and ask myself the most important question: "Am I happy?" Answer so far has always been: "Yes". So forward on I go. The areas of my relationship where I question whether or not it will last - I end up laughing after because I realize there is nothing, NOTHING that is a guarantee in this life. I could end up getting hit by OC Transpo tomorrow or something else could happen that is out of my control (because change is the ONLY thing that is a guarantee - that and death) - so while I am here, in this moment, checking in with myself to see whether or not I am truly happy is the only barometer I plan on using. He is such an incredible man and I have learned so much about myself in only 6 months because of him and for that - I am truly grateful. :)

I am likely rambling on and on and not making much sense, but I have promised myself to write more and if this means rambling on for myself then so be it. I am positive this blog only has me reading it so it is nice to have a record of where my mind and heart were at at any given period of time.

I truly hope that if there is anyone reading this, that you have a wonderful weekend. Celebrate life - because it's the only time you're ever going to be here, in this space, as you are right now. Remembering we are all connected by the space inbetween...

Namaste

A curious state of meditation.

I had an interesting experience yesterday that shows me the power of meditation. My best friend (soul sister) and the man that she's involved with had hit a standstill - where she is in love with him & he is afraid to open his heart to love completely. During my morning meditation travelling to work by bus, we drive along the beautiful Ottawa river and it was then I decided to hold space for both of them - for them to open themselves to love, joy, bliss and for each of them to have the courage to follow their hearts and to let go of the fear. I held space for each of them, non-directive, just holding them in a compassionate space for each of them to find their own truth individually & whatever is meant to be, will be.

As soon as I got to work my friend e-mailed me asking me what did I do? She told me that she could feel her heart open up and the release of tears were coming down. She didn't even mind that she was on her way to work and then at work, the tears still fell with release. I explained to her that I just held her and her friend in a compassionate state during my meditation. Apparently later he also cancelled plans with a relative in order to invite my friend to a movie. Which movie? A foreign film about a man & woman in love with each other (obvious to everyone around them) but the man is unable to completely open himself to love. Serendipity? A healing of hearts? He held her hand & during the film told her all the different ways to say “I love you”. Namaste. xox